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Why Marriage Matters to Non-Gay Allies
No civil rights movement is ever won solely by those who are the primary targets of discrimination. Gay rights are merely non-gay rights made available to all, and all Americans have a stake in a nation that treats us all fairly.
Suppose that every gay man or lesbian in America can call upon at least two heterosexual friends, family members, or coworkers to actively support their struggle for equality... If this amount of support currently exists, right now twenty million heterosexual allies stand ready to support gay rights in the United States.
— Ian Ayres and Jennifer Gerarda Brown, in Straightforward: how to mobilize heterosexual support for gay rights
Use the key resources below to learn more about why marriage matters to non-gay allies.
FROM EVAN WOLFSON:
A Tearful Republican Mayor Comes Out — For the Freedom to Marry
Complete with video, Evan Wolfson highlights an emotional press conference by San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders, a Republican former police chief, at which he announced his intention to sign a resolution supporting the freedom to marry, a reversal from his prior public opposition. Mayor Sanders said his change of heart and mind was due to soul-searching and personal conversations with gay people he knows, including his lesbian daughter, showing how powerful it is to make the conversation about real people, not just legalisms or hypotheticals. He also described how he has come to understand that his prior support for civil union, rather than marriage, was inadequate and wrong. San Diego now joins the other major California cities in calling on the Governor and State Supreme Court to follow the legislature's lead in embracing marriage equality.
Advancing toward equality in marriage
Non-gay allies are vitally needed and have much to offer in the civil rights struggle for marriage equality for same-sex couples. It is crucial that diverse non-gay people, clergy, and opinion-leaders who support the goal of marriage equality speak out in the public arena.
ANALYSIS: Why should I be for 'gay marriage'?
A key primer, especially helpful to non-gay readers, in which Wolfson explains why its so important to support equal marriage for same sex couples. "We are asking for marriage, not "gay marriage," says Wolfson, "the same rules, the same responsibilities, the same protections, the same dignity, the same commitment, the same opportunity to declare your love for another person with whom you build a life." We are asking for marriage, not "gay marriage" — the same rules, the same responsibilities, the same protections, the same dignity, the same commitment, the same opportunity to declare your love for another person with whom you build a life.
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WHERE YOU CAN GO TO GET INVOLVED OR LEARN MORE:
Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG)
PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of LGBT persons, and their families and friends, through support, education, and advocacy with the intention of ending discrimination and securing equal civil rights.
Atticus Circle's Seven Straight Nights for Equal Rights
Stories of friendship and political transformation emerged across the country during Seven Straight Nights for Equal Rights, a week of vigils led by straight allies in support of civil rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) Americans. Through Seven Straight Nights, the power of straight ally voices resonated in thirty-eight cities and towns across the country.
Lambda Legal's "I Do" Campaign
The fight for marriage equality is taking place across America — and not just in LGBT communities. Different-sex couples are standing up and saying "I do" again. They're saying "I do" believe in marriage equality for same-sex couples. You can join them by signing the "I do" pledge and then telling your friends about Lambda Legal's "I do" campaign .
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THE NUMBERS: POLLING & STATISTICS:
The Gallup Poll
The graph shows how public opinion has grown in support of marriage for same-sex couples over the years.
Marriage Equality Matters
Public opinion continually increases toward supporting the freedom to marry. Various social demographic and state majorities already support ending the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage and majorities also think marriage equality is inevitable.
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PUBLICATIONS:
Why People with Disabilities Should Support the Right of Gays and Lesbians to Marry
The civil rights movement of people with disabilities has a long history, as does the civil rights movement of gays and lesbians, and people with disabilities should recognize many of the parallels to the effects of discrimination experienced by gays and lesbians as a result of laws prohibiting marriage.
Non-gay people have a stake in this struggle, too.
Marriage matters to America — all of America. So does what each one of us does to make equality a reality. This unique resource offers helpful tips and crucial answers about why non-gay people care about the freedom to marry and what we all can do to help.
American Psychoanalytic Association Position Statement in Support of Marriage Equality
The American Psychoanalytic Association supports the legal recognition of civil marriage for same-sex couples with all the rights, benefits and responsibilities conferred by civil marriage, and opposes discrimination against same-sex couples, and the denial to same-sex couples these same rights, benefits and responsibilities.
Julian Bond on the freedom to marry
The longtime civil rights leader and NAACP chairman addressed the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force in Miami, saying "One lesson of the civil rights movement of yesterday — and the ongoing civil rights movement of today — is that the simplest of ordinary acts — taking a seat on a bus or a lunch counter, registering to vote, applying for a marriage license — can have extraordinary ramifications. It can change our world, change the way we act and think.
Letter from a non-gay ally, David P. von Ebers, Illinois
I am straight, married, a father of three, and was raised Catholic — but I want you to know I wholeheartedly support you and the Freedom to Marry cause...
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NEWS:
Love conquers all, regardless of gender
Rekha Basu emotionally recounts her attendance at a marriage of a same-sex couple saying, “Love is full of surprises: intimacy and distance, control and vulnerability, security and jealousy. But sometimes the surprise is to the outside observer.”
Dear Abby is her own woman
Jeanne Phillips who writes the infamous Dear Abby column has supported marriage equality for over 20 years, but recently her position was highlighted by the press. In response, Phillips said, "All of a sudden, there was this firestorm of publicity, 'Dear Abby believes in gay marriage,' " Phillips says. "I said to people, if you read my column with any form of understanding, you would understand that this is no surprise."
Wedding Plans: 500 Day Update
A different sex couple preparing for their wedding plans their favors to be donations “to either the Human Rights Campaign or Freedom to Marry in support of equal marriage rights for LGBTQ couples. This is, by far, one of the most serious elements of our wedding; everything else is pretty silly and fun. However, we do want to show our support for the many gay and lesbian guests we'll have in attendance who are denied the rights we will enjoy as man and wife.”
The Marrying Man
Four years after he pushed marriage equality forward in the national debate, Gavin Newsom is waiting for his answer in the California supreme court. So are we. Newsom noted his thoughts at the time of the marriages in San Francisco: “the ultimate assessment was: So what? We talk about principles. And if you can’t stand for what you believe in, what’s the point?”
Psychoanalysts Support Legal Recognition of Marriage for Same-Sex Couples
The American Psychoanalytic Association (APsaA) has issued a position statement supporting the legal recognition of civil marriage for same-sex couples while opposing discrimination against same-sex couples. In recognition that gay and lesbian couples are raising children and possess the same potential and desire for life-long relationships as their heterosexual counterparts, the APsaA seeks to assist in ending the government-sanctioned discrimination against homosexual couples that denies them over 1,000 federal rights and benefits.
[Read position statement]
NY's Next Governor: Lauded as Consensus Builder
Paterson is considered a strong consensus builder, a man whose lifelong disability and status as a racial minority have made him sensitive to others' needs and a clear and empathetic communicator. Evan Wolfson, executive director of Freedom to Marry, described Paterson as a staunch ally of the LGBT community. "He's been a long-time supporter of ending discrimination in marriage and I'm confident he would also be a strong advocate in the battles to come," Wolfson says.
God spoke via MA court
The 2003 ruling on marriage equality was a turning point for me in learning to accept my lesbian daughter.
Freedom to Marry Voice of Equality Alice Huffman honored in CA
At age 71, Alice Huffman has seen her fair share of bruising battles for equal rights in her lifetime. A longtime leader in the civil rights movement, Huffman has certainly paid her dues and earned the right to a peaceful retirement. Yet Huffman isn't sitting back on her laurels. She has become a key player in the LGBT community's fight for marriage equality.
Barkley speaks out against "fake Christians"
"I think they want to be judge and jury," Barkley said. "Like, I'm for gay marriage. It's none of my business if gay people want to get married. I'm pro-choice. And I think these Christians, first of all, they're not supposed to judge other people. But they're the most hypocritical judge of people we have in the country. And it bugs the hell out of me. They act like they're Christians. They're not forgiving at all."
It's not a mortal sin to work for justice
My husband and I have been married 49 years. We are the parents of five grown daughters, one of whom is a lesbian. I speak with passion concerning our experience, which is marked by intense sadness because of the alienation my daughter and others like her continue to suffer, especially at the hands of the Catholic Church.
Impatient witness: Reflections on the long struggle for gay right
M. Charles Bakst, a non-gay columnist, wrote with powerful support for marriage equality saying, “I identified with the gay rights movement because I am Jewish, and because, the way I was brought up, you treat people decently and if there’s something amiss in the world you try to fix it… I believe discrimination against gays is evil, and marriage equality is not rocket science. Society benefits from loving, stable relationships. A man and a woman should be able to wed; two men or two women, that’s fine too. And if it’s not for you, don’t do it. I don’t get hung up on ideological or theological details.”
MD senator tirelessly fought for civil rights
Prince George's County senator and civil rights activist Gwendolyn T. Britt died early yesterday. She was 66. The five-year Democratic state senator was expected to introduce legislation this year that would legalize same-sex marriage in Maryland - and by agreeing to do so, she had become a "hero" to that community, wrote Dan Furmansky, executive director of Equality Maryland. "Thousands of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Marylanders and their families only knew Senator Britt by name, and yet this name truly meant everything to them," he wrote.
'Dear Abby' supports the freedom to marry
Jeanne Phillips, who formally took over the column when her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease five years ago, thinks anything less than full marriage amounts to second-class citizenship. "If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break."
Non-gay allies integral to MD marriage fight
Del. Todd Schuler (D-Baltimore County) said he plans to co-sponsor a civil marriage bill when it is introduced in the House of Delegates. He said he thinks about his wife and how he would feel if she were in an accident and he could not make decisions about her care. "I don't know what I would do," he said. "If they extend marriage rights to anyone, they should extend them to everyone. Churches don't have any right to tell the state who they can and cannot marry, any more than the state has the right to tell anyone who they can and cannot marry."
Non-gay Americans to "come out" for gay rights on October 7-13, 2007
From Santa Rosa, California, to Montgomery, Alabama, to Augusta, Maine, overnight vigils will light up American cities over the course of seven nights, providing unprecedented visibility to heterosexual men and women with the conviction to stand up for their gay and lesbian friends and neighbors. These fair-minded straight folks are showing their elected officials that equality is not a secular issue, not a gay issue, not an urban elite issue, not an east coast or a west coast issue—it's an American issue This grassroots groundswell, dubbed Seven Straight Nights for Equal Rights, was initiated by Soulforce and Atticus Circle, two Texas-based organizations with members across the nation.
BLOG: Another good WY GOP pol on his pro-gay vote
There's now a second straight GOP politician from there, Pat Childers, father of a lesbian daughter, writing me notes explaining why he stood up for gay equality, in a state where we don't think gays would have much support, and I am privileged to share his words with you.
Making vows for equality
The Advocate
September 27, 2005
Straight couples like Tracy and Vivek are dedicating their weddings to the fight for equal marriage.
Straight, Not Narrow: How Straight Couples Can Support Gay Marriage
Profs. Ian Ayres and Jennifer Brown write, "Massachusetts' innovation gives all of us some choices. Supporters of gay rights, regardless of sexual orientation, may want to reward the state for its progressive stance. Instead of the negativism of boycotts, a grassroots campaign should declare a marriage 'buycott.'
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MULTIMEDIA:
VIDEO: N.Y. Governor David Paterson Pledges to Bring Full Marriage Equality to New York
Honored at a Task Force dinner, NY Gov. Paterson reiterated his support for marriage equality and said in a video statement, "I am proud to have run on a ticket...that became the first ticket in this country to actually advocate for marriage equality for all citizens, and to win on that premise, and last year we passed a marriage equality bill in the Assembly...marriage equality in New York may not come just this moment, but it is no longer an issue mostly for conviction, it is an issue for courage...We will push on and bring full marriage equality to New York state."
Gay Men and Women Should Have the Same Rights
In a personal video post, Al Gore speaks out in favor of the freedom to marry. The former vice president stated: “I think that gay men and women ought to have the same rights as heterosexual men and women, to make contracts, to have hospital visiting rights, to join together in marriage, and I don’t understand why it is considered by some people to be a threat to heterosexual marriage to allow it by gays and lesbians.”
VIDEO: San Diego mayor rethinks his position on marriage
CBS5
Watch this very touching video of the Republican mayor of San Diego rethinking his position on marriage, rejecting civil union, and deciding to sign, not veto, a resolution adding San Diego to the other major California cities calling on the supreme court (and governor) to support the freedom to marry. He talks about his gay staffers, and his lesbian daughter, and being unable to look them in the face and say their love is unworthy or unequal.
VIDEO: "Marriage Training Institute" at NGLTF's Creating Change Conference
Non-gay leaders share key lessons learned in their work to engage constituents in the fight for the freedom to marry. Panel held at Freedom to Marry's "Marriage Training Institute" in Oakland, CA, 11/10/05, at the Creating Change Conference, a program of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.
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Complete with video, Evan Wolfson highlights an emotional press conference by San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders, a Republican former police chief, at which he announced his intention to sign a resolution supporting the freedom to marry, a reversal from his prior public opposition. Mayor Sanders said his change of heart and mind was due to soul-searching and personal conversations with gay people he knows, including his lesbian daughter, showing how powerful it is to make the conversation about real people, not just legalisms or hypotheticals. He also described how he has come to understand that his prior support for civil union, rather than marriage, was inadequate and wrong. San Diego now joins the other major California cities in calling on the Governor and State Supreme Court to follow the legislature's lead in embracing marriage equality.
Marriage matters to America — all of America. So does what each one of us does to make equality a reality. This unique resource offers helpful tips and crucial answers about why non-gay people care about the freedom to marry and what we all can do to help.
The fight for marriage equality is taking place across America — and not just in LGBT communities. Different-sex couples are standing up and saying "I do" again. They're saying "I do" believe in marriage equality for same-sex couples. You can join them by signing the "I do" pledge and then telling your friends about Lambda Legal's "I do" campaign .
Watch this very touching video of the Republican mayor of San Diego rethinking his position on marriage, rejecting civil union, and deciding to sign, not veto, a resolution adding San Diego to the other major California cities calling on the supreme court (and governor) to support the freedom to marry. He talks about his gay staffers, and his lesbian daughter, and being unable to look them in the face and say their love is unworthy or unequal.
